Breakfast: A Strategic Long Range Plan

The Sunday blues were setting in, having just got off of a great weekend spent with my college buddies. After they had left, I spent the afternoon cleaning, doing laundry and settled in to watch some sort of Superman or Spiderman with my boys. I got antsy because sitting still is a challenge for me. I should have gone in the other room and tried meditation for the 50th time in my life until invariably the rat wheel starts turning in my head and I begin doing something with my hands like cleaning out my kids' closets.

So I got productive and decided to tackle the kitchen with what I had been hearing about for a long time: egg muffins.

My gym friends all talk about them and say how great it is that they don't have to dirty up pans in the morning, forgoing the chopping, mixing, cleaning up. Blech! Who wants to do that on a Monday morning? So what the hay? I decided to give it a whirl, but because I am complete control freak, I had to do it my way. No recipes. Just trial and error.. Spolier alert: there are some errors in the forementioned information, so please learn from them.

I began with trying my hand at zucchini cakes before I tackled the egg muffin  and here's how:

I grated two zucchinis in a bowl. I added roast pine nuts (big surprise). I crumpled up firm tofu, added two eggs and a bunch of coconut and almond flour. I also added the spices I found in my fridge: garlic salt, lemon pepper, Tajin, some crazy crap called Joe's Stuff I got waayy too long ago, and added sauted onions and bell peppers.

Then I got my hands dirty and mixed it all together and formed them into patties. Now, here's where the colossal mistake came in: I didn't add enough flour for those patties to stick together. And here's what happened - epic fail:

Yeah, doesn't look like zucchini to me. So, I regrouped, figured out what my problem was (in this particular situation, not in general) and added two handfuls of almond flour.

Oh, that's better:

Regardless of their shape, these patties of joy were delightful, especially when I douced them with red pepper flakes and a little bit of Tabasco. And if you really want to add some flava-flave, sprinkle some parm on these bad boys.

Next up, my biggest challenge: the ellusive egg muffin.

Here's what I did: I chopped up last night's chicken breast into little slices. I also clipped cilantro, roasted some pine nuts, sauted some onions, bell peppers, zucchini I didn't use for the cakes and put all of it in a bowl.

I then whisked in 12 eggs. No milk, no cheese, just that and my chicken concoction and again a bunch of spices - lots of spices. If you think you have added too much, you probably didn't. I also found some green salsa in my fridge. I added about a 1/4 cup. And this time I added chili pepper for a kick.

I popped those bad boys into a muffin tin, then into a 350 oven for about 12-15 minutes and breakfast is served for 7 days. What are the odds on my lack of enthusiam for these egg muffins come Saturday? Any takers?

Super Bowl Gut Bombin'

I walked into my local grocery store ready to load up for our Sunday Super Bowl party and was hit with this glorious stand. Things got fuzzy and I found myself as a 14 year old downing an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. The product had just reached grocery shelves in 1986 and the taste gave my entire body shivers. I wasn't satisfied until my fingers were stained with processed powdered cheese and the bag was upside down, a funnel right into my gullet, every crumb swimming in my stomach.

It would have been the right thing to do had I grabbed a couple of bags of each, tucked them under my arm and crossed off Super Bowl Sunday as a cheat day.

Instead, with my head down, shoulders slumped, I headed for the veggie and meat and bean and whole grain aisles. Boo.

I grabbed: crab meat, pancetta, pine nuts, basil, bell peppers of all colors, onion, yams, buckwheat, quinoa, coconut oil, unsweetened coconut milk, almond flour.

Ho hum. I hope my guests don't hate me. Sorry, Cool Ranch, I know we broke up 27 years ago. I still have fond memories of you.

Let's go with the crab cakes first. These are so friggin' lucious. Mix in a bowl pieces of crab, two eggs, coconut/almond flour, spices, basil, already roasted pine nuts and anything else you find tasty.. chopped onions? Sure. Minced garlic? Why not? Shredded lemon or shredded zucchini? Just make sure there are no big time pieces. We want this concoction to stick together.

Now, take off those rings - wedding or otherwise, and get the hands dirty. Mix it all together. Feels funky going through those fingers but you'll get used to it. Then, mold them into small patties and fry them in a pan with olive, macadamia or coconut oil.

These glorious nuggets will take five minutes each side on medium heat. They passed the neighbor hater face as well..

I had to guard these with my life because they weren't going to be served until the next day's football party. I had to hide them in the back of the fridge away from my crab addict family.

Then, I made breakfast muffins with almond flour, pancetta, eggs, almond milk, a handful of cheese, green chillies, lemon pepper, Tajin and sun dried tomatoes. Make muffins as you normally would with regular flour but do the subsitution trick with the almond flour and the eggs/bacon additions. Top those suckers with a little parm and you have a nice morning breakfast and a Super Bowl treat.

 

My hater hubby had two of these this morning. I served these at the party. Super Bowl haters liked them too, along with their beer and shots of tequila.

Next was a nice little mashed up gut bomb for more haters. I boiled a bunch of yams in a pot of chicken broth. I pulled it off and drained when I could stick a knife in the innards pretty easily.

See the chopped up basil on that vicious knife? Wait for it.. while the yams were boiling, I chopped (yes, you heard that right. Time consuming, awful chopping) onions, basil, cilantro, red peppers and I set them aside.

I sauteed pancetta and onion and pine nuts and set aside like quiet little children. I then drained the yams, put them back in the pot, added a can of unsweetened coconut milk, the quiet little children, spices and I smashed the crap out of it until my arms were sore. Here's what my Super Bowl haters ate. Rave reviews from all except for my vegetarian friend. She's all anti-pancetta. Whatever. Some of them licked the bowl, but I attribute that to the wine and beer that was also served.

I was pleasantly surprised by my guests who brought buffalo chicken soup - Amy approved. And it was off the hook. That bowl was licked as well.

They were all hip on the healthy kick and came prepared. My friend, Foster, busted out that spicy buffalo chicken soup - hater friendly - and then road the 15 miles to my house on her bike in the rain. She said rain - and chips - were for (a word left for the less vulnerable) and came bearing clipless pedals and her helmet, while her partner, Morgan, showed up with soup in hand, via automobile.

The ingredients? Wouldn't you love to know. (Okay, here it is)

* 1 head of cauliflower, chopped

* 4 chicken breasts

* 2 tbsp of chicken stock

* 2 tbsp of raw honey

* 3 stalks of celery, chopped

* 1 onion, chopped

* 1 cup of hot sauce - you pick but do so without sugar

* pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, fresh parsely, chopped chives, dried dill, chopped cilantro

* 1/2 cup of coconut milk - unsweetened (see a theme? No damn sugar!)

Use a large stock pot and throw in 8 cups of water, cauliflower and chicken breast, bring it to a boil and reduce heat. Once chicken is cooked, remove and set this bad boy aside.

Add coconut milk, chicken stock, spices, honey and the hot sauce into a blender and shoot it on high. We want to see your ceiling in a flurry of nasty pre-soup Jackson Pollack art. (Keep a lid on it and grind that beast).

Shred the chicken with a fork and add it to a pan, add your Jackson Pollack creation, add celery and onion and stir in parsley, chives, and cilantro and simmer for 20 minutes. Oh, and you're welcome. It will make your knees weak with joy. Thanks, Foster.

Let's not forget my slow cooked chilli that lasted for a whole 30 minutes. People dipped their fingers, elbows, tongues in the pot. Gross. But it worked for the Super Bowl. The night before I dumped ground chicken, green chillies, tomato paste, Tajin - handfuls, cumin - handfuls, lemon pepper - handfuls, and garlic powder. I also added:

* diced tomatoes

* black beans

* red bell peppers

* almond flour - a handful

* tomato sauce

I lifted the lid once throughout the day (I know it set me back a 1/2 hour, but I don't give a crap) and tasted, added spices throughout and then sat there, waited for the party to start and served.

Oh, and then some folks brought this eggless tofu concoction. Eww by the looks of it, but once tasted, off the hook.

This nice little spread came with kale, almond flour, carrot crackers they brought along with it. I also ate this shizzle the next morning for breakie. 

Thanks to my crazy whacky health nuts. That grub was gut bombin'.